it’s a little too early for me to be up on a Saturday morning. I’ve got a cup of coffee on the desk next to me, and my soul feels at once quiet and ridiculously, absurdly chaotic. The quiet is the unnatural stillness after the storm, where I feel small and guilty for allowing things to pile up and crash over me the way they did, and the chaos is the knowledge that these things are still there; not “dealt with” and not “moved past,” and the fact that they are still there means that they still bother me.
As long as there is life there will be chaos. And yet we are told to be still and wait.
“He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” – Colossians 1:17
A waiting season is never a wasted season. If God chooses to withhold something from me, big or small, it must be because he is doing it for my ultimate good. Whether or not he one day gives it to me is beside the point. The point is always, in this moment – this moment right now, not some future moment when your faith is bigger – trusting in him and in his goodness. God is always at work in our lives, even when sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. Even when sometimes it seems like he’s turned away from you because he’s busier elsewhere, and his upholding hand is drooping and letting go and you’re just floundering on your own.
Not true. Not true at all. Even then, God is present, and he is upholding me. He is loving me.
The truth is, I forget these things. I forget them so. stinkin. often. And then I have emotional and mental breakdowns.
And you know what? God loves me throughout them, because nothing can separate me from his love. Not even dramatic girl emotions.